you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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