when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
