Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
