like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
