I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
