My nipple is on Facebook.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
