I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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