so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
