you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
