i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
