This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
