I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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