You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
