Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
