I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
