I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
