I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
