This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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