I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
