if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
