He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I color on your dick again?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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