the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your penis caused this!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
