okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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