that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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