google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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