someone threw a dead crab at me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
