shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
