Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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