she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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