After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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