So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
