Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He did a backflip because drugs
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