i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
