Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
