and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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