why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
