No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
