Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
