i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
