So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
accomplished twins. life is a go
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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