my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
