Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
