I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
