Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
