I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
