Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
