The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
