I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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