I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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