I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
