When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
